Heat sign PF/C Shavlik Randolph

According the the AP, the Miami Heat have resigned Shavlik Randolph. This is quite a coup for the Heat, as Randolph will start at C and complement the "Super Friends" as the athletic, shot-blocking, Charles Oakley type body guard they have been looking for. With this signing, the Heat have solidified their status as title favorites.

Just kidding. Randolph will barely see the court this year and will head up the towel-waving at the end of the bench. Known for his excellent work ethic and jovial personality, I suspect Randolph was signed to be a mentor for incoming rookies Dexter Pittman and Jarvis Varnado. With so many stars on the Heat, it is important that these rookies maintain their focus and not get caught-up in the nightlife of South Beach.

Randolph, a Duke product, has (kind of) played 5 years in the league. He enjoyed is best season as a rookie, where he averaged 2.4 points and 2.3 rebounds off the bench for the 76ers. Since 2006, he has only played in a total of 38 games. These statistics, or lack there of, tell me that GM Pat Riley looks at Randolph as a chemistry guy and someone for LeBron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwyane Wade to dunk on in practice. I can see it now....

LeBron: Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, BOOM!

Shavlik: Awww... Mr. James, you kneed me in my pelvic area... Please try to...

Dwyane: Shutup Shavlik, get yo ass back under the hoop!! Yo Bron, Chris, Ima try get my nuts alllll up in his face this time.

Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, BOOM!

(Shavlik coughing, D. Wade standing over him)

Dwyane: Yeeeaaahhh Boy! My nuts were all up in yo face!

Chris: OOHHHH shit that was sick... My turn! Shavlik get under the hoop....