The All-Ink Team

Composing The All-Ink Team proved to be more difficult than Team Au Naturel. In ranking players without tattoos, there are no varying degrees. Either they have them or they don't. With The All-Ink team, I had to take a few things into account: coverage, ostentatiousness, and production. Ultimately, I decided not to value production as much as coverage and ostentatiousness. This is about ink, not play. In terms of visibility of tattoos, another problem arose: skin tone. Take Kevin Garnett for example, he has tons of tattoos but his skin is so dark you can barely see them. Thus, he loses points in the ostentatiousness category. I also tried to give the nod to players that have neck tattoos because a) they are highly visible, and b) they have to be incredibly painful to get. Anyone volunteering to have a needle stuck in their jugular is nuts.

I present the All-Ink Team:

PG - Jason "White Chocolate" Williams - With his pasty skin and prominent tats, White Chocolate barely beat out Monta Ellis and Allen Iverson for PG privileges. What really put him over the edge is his "White Boy" tattoo that has one letter on each of his knuckles.Honorable Mention : Allen Iverson, Monta Ellis, Mo Williams, Delonte West

SG - DeShawn "I Can't Feel My Face" Stevenson - DeShawn ran out of room on his biceps, triceps, and forearms and let the ink flow onto his neck. 16th President Abraham Lincoln is visible over his larynx and sternal notch with a 5 on each side. Perhaps he's a fan of the 505 Boyz. On his right temple, "Londyn" is inscribed, which is the name of his son. On the right side of his forehead is a small crack. "I feel like people always try to break me, but I don't crack. So, I put that there." DeShawn is a logical fella.
Honorable Mention: J.R. Smith, Larry Hughes, Caron Butler

SF - Matt Barnes - If Lebron James or Carmelo Anthony's skin were a little bit lighter or had a tattoos on their neck, they would take Barnes' place. My favorite of Barnes' ink is the large "FTH" across his chest which I would imagine stands for, "Fuck The Haters". Some of his other tattoos include "Believe" on his neck with cupped angels' hands behind it and a huge spiderweb covering his elbow. If you want to get to know Matt on a personal level, his wife Gloria stars on VH1's Basketball Wives and her friends openly question his loyalty to her. It's good TV.
Honorable Mention: LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony

PF - Kenyon Martin - When watching the Nuggets play, I always wondered what that red blob on Kenyon Martin's neck was. Once at the free throw line, there was a clear camera angle of the right side of Martin's neck. It appeared there were lips on his neck. But whose lips are they? After digging around the internet, I discovered that they are a replica of his girlfriend, Trinia's, lips. Elsewhere on his body, you will find a large cross covering the entirety of his back with the quote, "Shall fear no man but God". On his bicep is his infant son's bust, wearing a sideways cap with the quote, "Flesh of my Flesh, Blood of my Blood". Profound.

Honorable Mention: Drew Gooden, Andray Blatche, Michael Beasley

C - Chris "The Birdman" Anderson - Cucaawww!! Cucawww!! With the most famous of his 37 tattoos (and counting) being the red wings on the underside of his biceps (ouch), Chris Anderson is known around the league for his ink. Contrasting his white skin, the flamboyant colors he chooses to paint his body with make him a fan favorite. With his arms well covered, The Birdman is moving onto his torso and stomach area, with a chain around his neck, and an incomplete "Honky Tonk Outlaw" going on his stomach.

Honorable Mention: Robert Swift (I really wanted to have Swift as the winner. In fact, I'll post a picture of him anyways because I find his transformation from a scrawny lottery pick to a tatted beast amusing), Shaq, Marcus Camby


There you have it, The All-Ink Team. While not the most skilled team, together they are intimidating. The NBA is unlike other sports in that their uniforms show so much skin, which might encourage players to get tattoos for the attention. Do you really think Robert Swift would get all of those tattoos if he weren't wearing a tank top 90% of the time? Doubtful.

Along with the guns, drugs, sex scandals, and arrests, I think tattoos contribute to the NBA's long-standing image problem. While tattoos can be artistic and have deep symbolic meaning, most people view them as rebellious and thuggish -- see Marquis Daniels' tattoo of a guy blowing his brains out with a shotgun. Back in the 90's, the stars and idols of the NBA (Jordan, Bird, Malone, Magic) had no tattoos. In this era, the top players (LeBron, Carmelo, Iverson) barely have a square inch of skin to spare. While baseball and football players may be just as inked up as basketball players, their uniforms cover their skin. In the NBA, that tattoos have no place to hide.

Comments and arguments are welcome!