The Au-Naturel Team

For some reason, I hold a small grudge against players that have way too many tattoos. Take Tyrus Thomas for example -- during his first two seasons with the Bulls, his arms were had no ink. Then BOOM, all of the sudden in his third season, it looked like had contracted some sort of horrible disease on his arms. He looks stupid, never developed as a player, and thankfully was traded out of Chicago. During Thomas' rookie season (19 at the time), I logged onto his fan website and sent him an e-mail offering to buy him booze or to see if he wanted to play videogames sometime -- boy are those days long gone.

So without further ado, I present my Au Naturel Team. Tomorrow, I will post my All Ink Team. The following players have no tattoos, or if they do, keep them well hidden.

PG - Chris Paul

Paul is arguably the best PG in the league, with or without tattoos. Today he said he wants out of New Orleans ASAP. Honorable mention goes to: Steve Nash, Russel Westbrook, Rajon Rondo.


SG - Dwyane Wade

Wade averaged 26-6-5 while leading a horrible Miami team to the playoffs. He's an MVP candidate every year and also heads up the All-STD Team. Zing! Honorable mention goes to: Brandon Roy, Ray Allen, Manu Ginobili



SF - Kevin Durant

With Wade and James joining forces in Miami, the "Durantula" is going to win the scoring title and be an MVP candidate for the foreseeable future. Honorable mention goes to: Danny Granger, Paul Pierce, Luol Deng. I know Luol is a stretch but I really didn't want to put down Vince Carter as an honorable mention after missing those free throws in game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals this year. That, and he averaged only 16 points on 42% shooting.




PF - Dirk Nowitzki

Can you imagine Dirk with a tattoo? It would be laughable. It's ok for some white guys to sport tats as long as they have an attitude. But Dirk? No way. He's still recovering after being duped by his former fiancee. Honorable mention: Pau Gasol, Chris Bosh, David Lee.


C - Dwight Howard

DH12 is the best center in the game. He has won Defensive Player of the Year twice in a row now, and if he could develop an offensive game that didn't revolve around dunking, he would be a Shaq-like force. Honorable mention: Brook Lopez, Yao, Joakim Noah, Andrew Bogut.



This team would be scary on the court together. We'll see how they would match up against the All Ink Team tomorrow. I am concerned that Team Au Naturel isn't mean enough (except for D-Wade with his off-court sexual deviance). Who's going to deliver that hard foul? Who's going to carry guns in the locker room? Who's going to get up in someone's face? I hear crickets.